I cannot express how AMAZING this book is. Almost everything I write about in this blog comes from Dale Carnegie's incredible book.
In the first chapter of the book, he stresses how beneficial it is to read through a chapter once, let it settle in, them re-read the chapter a second time and take notes. I have done this so far and want to share with you what I thought the main takeaways are from each chapter. While I encourage you to go out and read the book in its entirety, I want to provide you with a resource that you can read through quickly and try to gain some more knowledge in this area.
Honestly, I've only been at this for a little while now, but the results I have seen from the applications of the theories in this book are STAGGERING. Literally, I almost just fell over thinking about it.
For real though, if you don't feel like buying the book and reading the whole thing, please read through my notes and you too can see the drastic changes in your everyday conversations and relationships.
I posted all of my notes in a new Page labeled it "How to Win Friends and Influence Others"
You can click the link at the top right of the home page, or just click the link below:
http://convoguru.blogspot.com/p/how-to-make-friends-and-influence-others.html
Friday, February 28, 2014
Monday, February 24, 2014
The classic elevator scene
How many of us have experienced this before? You're in the elevator with a few other people. One is scrolling through their phone, another staring at the doors waiting for them to open, the next frantically pressing the "Door Close" button after each floor, desperately trying to lessen the time spent on this agonizing elevator ride. Hell, I've been the "Door Close" guy many many times, but who can blame us? It's 8 in the morning and everyone knows they have the entire work day ahead of them, so no one's particularly happy. The last thing these people want to do is talk right?
WRONG!
Well, maybe not always wrong. There are people who legitimately dislike other people and despise any kind of human interaction. But who cares! That is certainly not what this blog is about.
I've noticed that just one observant, funny, or clever comment can alleviate all the tension that these elevator rides have to offer? The "Door Close" guy and his two other nervous buddies may seem completely anti social, but be the one to break the silence and they'll be all smiles. It doesn't have to be the greatest thing anyone has ever said ever. Just a simple "Man, it's cold out there" to break that silence will put everyone at ease. They start looking each other in the eye instead of at the wall; all of a sudden, everyone is not in so much of a rush to get out. Everyone will smile and when each person gets off the at their floor they will always say "Have a nice day" or some sort of farewell greeting.
Everybody (well, mostly everybody) inherently wants - nay, NEEDS to interact with other people. It's in our DNA, and when we are forced to cram into a confined space such as an elevator, this need is heightened. We crave the interactions and it's right there at our fingertips, but for some reason we are terrified. Self doubt kicks in and we put this immense pressure on ourselves to have the first thing we say be the funniest or most profound thing anyone has ever said. We then become even more antsy and frustrated that we want something so bad, but refuse to satisfy ourselves, turning into this vicious cycle. The truth is it doesn't matter what you say, as long as you say it with confidence and with a smile. People will be so relieved and their need for human interaction will be satisfied. Try this next time you take the elevator and notice how people suddenly relax once the ice has been broken.
People are more than willing to accept a connection with other people, no matter how small, but they refuse to be the one to initiate that connection. Like I said before, the first words are the most terrifying, but the least important.
WRONG!
Well, maybe not always wrong. There are people who legitimately dislike other people and despise any kind of human interaction. But who cares! That is certainly not what this blog is about.
I've noticed that just one observant, funny, or clever comment can alleviate all the tension that these elevator rides have to offer? The "Door Close" guy and his two other nervous buddies may seem completely anti social, but be the one to break the silence and they'll be all smiles. It doesn't have to be the greatest thing anyone has ever said ever. Just a simple "Man, it's cold out there" to break that silence will put everyone at ease. They start looking each other in the eye instead of at the wall; all of a sudden, everyone is not in so much of a rush to get out. Everyone will smile and when each person gets off the at their floor they will always say "Have a nice day" or some sort of farewell greeting.
Everybody (well, mostly everybody) inherently wants - nay, NEEDS to interact with other people. It's in our DNA, and when we are forced to cram into a confined space such as an elevator, this need is heightened. We crave the interactions and it's right there at our fingertips, but for some reason we are terrified. Self doubt kicks in and we put this immense pressure on ourselves to have the first thing we say be the funniest or most profound thing anyone has ever said. We then become even more antsy and frustrated that we want something so bad, but refuse to satisfy ourselves, turning into this vicious cycle. The truth is it doesn't matter what you say, as long as you say it with confidence and with a smile. People will be so relieved and their need for human interaction will be satisfied. Try this next time you take the elevator and notice how people suddenly relax once the ice has been broken.
People are more than willing to accept a connection with other people, no matter how small, but they refuse to be the one to initiate that connection. Like I said before, the first words are the most terrifying, but the least important.
Thursday, February 20, 2014
Children are the key to any conversation
Man, people love their kids. There must be something about creating another human life, I don't have kids so I still don't fully understand, but MAN! People love their kids.
I'm actually really excited about finally realizing this. I first read about this in Carnigie's book "How to Make Friends and Influence People." I forget the details, which I will have to look up later, but the idea was that people love their children more than anything and are always eager to talk about them.
I had 2 conversations yesterday that exemplified this greatly. One was with a guy I met at the gym, another with a co-worker in the office, but both conversations began on the topic of working out. I then brought up how I love going to the gym in the morning, and asked them how they first adjusted to the new routine of waking up early. They both explained that this was a direct result of having kids. Newborns are constantly waking up throughout the night, toddlers don't sleep much and are ever curious when they are left alone, teenagers must be prepped for school... Having kids = waking up early. It's just more convenient.
Each of them explained this rather unexciting change in lifestyle with ginormous smiles on their faces. I don't know about you, but I'm not exactly thrilled with the idea of getting less sleep, but these 2 individuals were ecstatic. The difference? They have children and I do not. There is an understanding of this unconditional love that is unknown to the childless. The act of creating another living human creates a bond that cannot be replicated in any other way. It's like the children are an extension of the parents; and since we know everyone loves nothing more than to talk about themselves, they also love to talk about their children.
These two conversations were almost exactly the same, starting out as a normal everyday conversation about the gym, but evolving into an intensely deep discussion about children and the affect they can have on your life.
So what's the big take away here?
Make the other persons children the topic of conversation, and you will most assuredly never run out of things to talk about.
I'm actually really excited about finally realizing this. I first read about this in Carnigie's book "How to Make Friends and Influence People." I forget the details, which I will have to look up later, but the idea was that people love their children more than anything and are always eager to talk about them.
I had 2 conversations yesterday that exemplified this greatly. One was with a guy I met at the gym, another with a co-worker in the office, but both conversations began on the topic of working out. I then brought up how I love going to the gym in the morning, and asked them how they first adjusted to the new routine of waking up early. They both explained that this was a direct result of having kids. Newborns are constantly waking up throughout the night, toddlers don't sleep much and are ever curious when they are left alone, teenagers must be prepped for school... Having kids = waking up early. It's just more convenient.
Each of them explained this rather unexciting change in lifestyle with ginormous smiles on their faces. I don't know about you, but I'm not exactly thrilled with the idea of getting less sleep, but these 2 individuals were ecstatic. The difference? They have children and I do not. There is an understanding of this unconditional love that is unknown to the childless. The act of creating another living human creates a bond that cannot be replicated in any other way. It's like the children are an extension of the parents; and since we know everyone loves nothing more than to talk about themselves, they also love to talk about their children.
These two conversations were almost exactly the same, starting out as a normal everyday conversation about the gym, but evolving into an intensely deep discussion about children and the affect they can have on your life.
So what's the big take away here?
Make the other persons children the topic of conversation, and you will most assuredly never run out of things to talk about.
Monday, February 17, 2014
I Love Sundays
I used to love Sundays because of my obsession with the Jets, but lately that has just let to misery and depression. It's actually a relief the the football season is over, but Sundays have taken a whole new meaning ever since I started taking improv comedy classes. From 6:30 to 9:30 I am in a consistent fit of hysterical laughter. It's a place where I can get up in front of 15 other people and completely let go of all inhibition. It feels nice to be so vulnerable in such a spot light, it's a time where I have to free my mind of all useless thoughts. It's unbelievable how much these classes correlate with my study of the art of conversation.
Last night, our instructor Rick explained that the beginning of a scene may seem like the hardest part, but it is the simplicity of it that makes it work. This is called "Building a Base Reality" where you really have to make everything up. The problem is that we try to over complicate things and try to make everything we say hilarious. This is simply not going to work. We can't truly open our minds when we are constantly thinking of little one liners trying to make sure every word we say gets a laugh. This leads to hesitation, and confusion which will drag out the beginning of the scene for way to long. Rick explained that you want to establish the picture of the scene, the relationships between the characters and the current situation as soon as possible; and the simpler the better! This part does not need to be funny, it just has to make sense. It is from this concrete base that we build the funny parts of the scene latter on.
This is the same idea when talking with strangers. Most people think that the hardest part of making new friends is finding the perfect words to approach someone you do not know. Trust me, I am no stranger to this feeling of anxiety. It is completely normal and expected to have this feeling, but it's not really logical. We put so much pressure on ourselves to make the first words that come out of our mouth pure gold, while in the grand scheme of things they are rather meaningless. In fact, the simpler this opening line is the better. It's a base to build a conversation off of, not the conversation itself. Recently I have been trying to approach more people while I'm out during the day; asking questions, noticing unique things or qualities, and as of late talking about the abundance of snow. We can start the conversation with literally anything - "Hi, my name is Chris" has even worked - but it is how we transition to a meaningful conversation and sustain their interest that is the difficult part.
We also went through this one exercise that focused on expressing emotion. There would be three chairs lined next to each other. The person in the first chair would start giggling - at about a 4 on a scale from 1-10. The person in the second chair would see them giggling and would start all out laughing - at about a 7 or 8. Finally, the person in the third chair would loose it and start laughing hysterically - turning that bitch to 11! It was about seeing someone else's emotion and expression, feeling that emotion mirror inside, and then heighten it to another level. We are always hearing that we must show the audience how the characters are affecting one another, and this was a great way to practice being affected. It was a start at a study of body language, which I hope to get into soon (but again, that's for another post).
All in all, here are the things I have to focus on:
1) Quiet my mind to really listen to the other person. Turn off all unnecessary thoughts.
2) Don't put too much stress on opening lines, in improv and when meeting new people. A conversation can begin with literally everything (sure some may be easier to work with than others, but all can work), it's how you transition to a conversation that is the difficult part
3) Learn to pickup on other peoples emotions, and try to mirror or complement that in myself. Try to relate or sympathize.
Last night, our instructor Rick explained that the beginning of a scene may seem like the hardest part, but it is the simplicity of it that makes it work. This is called "Building a Base Reality" where you really have to make everything up. The problem is that we try to over complicate things and try to make everything we say hilarious. This is simply not going to work. We can't truly open our minds when we are constantly thinking of little one liners trying to make sure every word we say gets a laugh. This leads to hesitation, and confusion which will drag out the beginning of the scene for way to long. Rick explained that you want to establish the picture of the scene, the relationships between the characters and the current situation as soon as possible; and the simpler the better! This part does not need to be funny, it just has to make sense. It is from this concrete base that we build the funny parts of the scene latter on.
This is the same idea when talking with strangers. Most people think that the hardest part of making new friends is finding the perfect words to approach someone you do not know. Trust me, I am no stranger to this feeling of anxiety. It is completely normal and expected to have this feeling, but it's not really logical. We put so much pressure on ourselves to make the first words that come out of our mouth pure gold, while in the grand scheme of things they are rather meaningless. In fact, the simpler this opening line is the better. It's a base to build a conversation off of, not the conversation itself. Recently I have been trying to approach more people while I'm out during the day; asking questions, noticing unique things or qualities, and as of late talking about the abundance of snow. We can start the conversation with literally anything - "Hi, my name is Chris" has even worked - but it is how we transition to a meaningful conversation and sustain their interest that is the difficult part.
We also went through this one exercise that focused on expressing emotion. There would be three chairs lined next to each other. The person in the first chair would start giggling - at about a 4 on a scale from 1-10. The person in the second chair would see them giggling and would start all out laughing - at about a 7 or 8. Finally, the person in the third chair would loose it and start laughing hysterically - turning that bitch to 11! It was about seeing someone else's emotion and expression, feeling that emotion mirror inside, and then heighten it to another level. We are always hearing that we must show the audience how the characters are affecting one another, and this was a great way to practice being affected. It was a start at a study of body language, which I hope to get into soon (but again, that's for another post).
All in all, here are the things I have to focus on:
1) Quiet my mind to really listen to the other person. Turn off all unnecessary thoughts.
2) Don't put too much stress on opening lines, in improv and when meeting new people. A conversation can begin with literally everything (sure some may be easier to work with than others, but all can work), it's how you transition to a conversation that is the difficult part
3) Learn to pickup on other peoples emotions, and try to mirror or complement that in myself. Try to relate or sympathize.
Sunday, February 16, 2014
Bouncing from place to place
Man, yesterday was a busy day. As I went over in my previous post, I was at my college wrestling match last night, so I ended up crashing with a buddy of mine who lived in the area. Andrew graduated with me back in 2012, but has already locked down a full time gig as a high school physical education teacher and HEAD coach of the wrestling team. Oh, how I envy that lucky bastard. I don't have a clear view of my future and am not sure what exactly I will be doing, but I know for certain that I will be coaching wrestling; no doubt about it. It's hard coping with the fact I can't compete anymore, looking back there are a lot of things I would do differently, but all I can do now is hope to pass that knowledge onto someone else so they don't make the same mistakes.
Anywayyyyy, Andrew's team had a match that morning, so I jumped on the opportunity to watch any sort of wrestling. With the college match Friday night and the high school match on Saturday morning, I was in bliss.
After the match, I said my goodbyes to my old friend, and headed to the library to do some reading. I planned to meet with a kind of mentor of mine for lunch, but I had a couple hours to kill so I thought I'd read the next principle Dale Carnigie had to share. Stemming from the previous chapter of listening, the present chapter suggested to keep the conversation topics geared towards the interests of the other person. This was pretty much a continuation of the listening chapter, with the overall concept being that the conversation cannot be a competition. Each individual is programmed to want to talk about things that interest them self, which can cause the conversation to sour if the two have conflicting interests. This new chapter even took it a step further and said to research specific topics in advance when you are expecting a visitor; kind of like on an interview when you research a company. This is not creepy as it may initially seem; it is actually quite flattering. How would you feel if someone else put in effort to research topics they had little knowledge in, just to please you. It's a very selfless act, and it will never go unappreciated. So here are the main take aways:
1) Research topics in advance that interest the expected visitor.
2) Keep the conversation on these topics
3) Listen intently
As I said before, I was to meet a mentor of mine, Jon in Philly for lunch, so I was determined to try this out. He is an amazing person who actually got me my first job as an actuarial intern. He wrestled with my college wrestling coach, and did not hesitate to give me every opportunity when everyone else was turning me away. This bond among wrestlers is as strong a relationship as I know, and it is a deep understanding that the person in front of you has been to hell and back. There is a mutual respect among the wrestling community. It's not like other sports where there are cuts and try-outs. We accept anyone who is willing to put in the work, but not everyone is up for it. There are always half as many people in the last practice of the year as there were in the first, and it's this self weeding that makes the sport so great. But I digress. Jon now fights MMA and I learned that he had a fight coming up next weekend. Before meeting him for lunch, I researched the fight, his opponent, and even bought a ticket. As a wrestler myself, I knew I would already have enough to talk about on the subject, but now I had even more to back me up.
It had been over a year since I last saw Jon, but since I came prepared there was no shortage of things to talk about. I immediately noticed he looked thin, cutting weight for the upcoming fight, and the topic never strayed from that point on. All I had to do was ask a few questions here and there and actively listen to what he had to say. We had a deep and intelligent conversation, but only because I was genuinely interested in what he had to say, and was not worrying about what I was going to say next. I know I just started this active listening thing on Friday, but it is incredible. My mind is just free. Where I was constantly thinking of things to say, and make sure that the conversation never died, I now quieted my thoughts and soaked in everything the other person has to say. It was scary at first. There was this unsettling feeling of this new risk of the dreaded "Awkward Silence," but you must have trust in the system. When you actively listen and stop worrying about what you are going to say, you pick up on SO much more and the conversation becomes a lot easier. The other person ends up doing most of the talking anyway, just being appreciative that someone is willing to listen.
This post is getting pretty long, so I'll speed things up here. I spent the night in Philly with another friend from college. I have recently decided to stop drinking, so though it brings about great surprise and a barrage of questions from everyone I love the fact that I no longer get any hangovers. I'm still getting used to going out and interacting with drunk people while I am sober, but last night was a blast with a lot of blasted people (see what i did there?).
Today is going to be another busy day. Currently, I 'm at a rest stop somewhere in central Jersey, but I'm headed to a friends house to do a little jammen (music is a HUGE part of my life, and I've been playing guitar for about 15 years now). This stuff actually applies really well to music and playing with other people, but that's for another post. We even might get some studio time in, which would be unreal. After that, I have my improv class where I want to keep focusing on creating the story myself and stop making lateral moves. Focus on the "And" part of "Yes, And".
latahhh dudes!
Anywayyyyy, Andrew's team had a match that morning, so I jumped on the opportunity to watch any sort of wrestling. With the college match Friday night and the high school match on Saturday morning, I was in bliss.
After the match, I said my goodbyes to my old friend, and headed to the library to do some reading. I planned to meet with a kind of mentor of mine for lunch, but I had a couple hours to kill so I thought I'd read the next principle Dale Carnigie had to share. Stemming from the previous chapter of listening, the present chapter suggested to keep the conversation topics geared towards the interests of the other person. This was pretty much a continuation of the listening chapter, with the overall concept being that the conversation cannot be a competition. Each individual is programmed to want to talk about things that interest them self, which can cause the conversation to sour if the two have conflicting interests. This new chapter even took it a step further and said to research specific topics in advance when you are expecting a visitor; kind of like on an interview when you research a company. This is not creepy as it may initially seem; it is actually quite flattering. How would you feel if someone else put in effort to research topics they had little knowledge in, just to please you. It's a very selfless act, and it will never go unappreciated. So here are the main take aways:
1) Research topics in advance that interest the expected visitor.
2) Keep the conversation on these topics
3) Listen intently
As I said before, I was to meet a mentor of mine, Jon in Philly for lunch, so I was determined to try this out. He is an amazing person who actually got me my first job as an actuarial intern. He wrestled with my college wrestling coach, and did not hesitate to give me every opportunity when everyone else was turning me away. This bond among wrestlers is as strong a relationship as I know, and it is a deep understanding that the person in front of you has been to hell and back. There is a mutual respect among the wrestling community. It's not like other sports where there are cuts and try-outs. We accept anyone who is willing to put in the work, but not everyone is up for it. There are always half as many people in the last practice of the year as there were in the first, and it's this self weeding that makes the sport so great. But I digress. Jon now fights MMA and I learned that he had a fight coming up next weekend. Before meeting him for lunch, I researched the fight, his opponent, and even bought a ticket. As a wrestler myself, I knew I would already have enough to talk about on the subject, but now I had even more to back me up.
It had been over a year since I last saw Jon, but since I came prepared there was no shortage of things to talk about. I immediately noticed he looked thin, cutting weight for the upcoming fight, and the topic never strayed from that point on. All I had to do was ask a few questions here and there and actively listen to what he had to say. We had a deep and intelligent conversation, but only because I was genuinely interested in what he had to say, and was not worrying about what I was going to say next. I know I just started this active listening thing on Friday, but it is incredible. My mind is just free. Where I was constantly thinking of things to say, and make sure that the conversation never died, I now quieted my thoughts and soaked in everything the other person has to say. It was scary at first. There was this unsettling feeling of this new risk of the dreaded "Awkward Silence," but you must have trust in the system. When you actively listen and stop worrying about what you are going to say, you pick up on SO much more and the conversation becomes a lot easier. The other person ends up doing most of the talking anyway, just being appreciative that someone is willing to listen.
This post is getting pretty long, so I'll speed things up here. I spent the night in Philly with another friend from college. I have recently decided to stop drinking, so though it brings about great surprise and a barrage of questions from everyone I love the fact that I no longer get any hangovers. I'm still getting used to going out and interacting with drunk people while I am sober, but last night was a blast with a lot of blasted people (see what i did there?).
Today is going to be another busy day. Currently, I 'm at a rest stop somewhere in central Jersey, but I'm headed to a friends house to do a little jammen (music is a HUGE part of my life, and I've been playing guitar for about 15 years now). This stuff actually applies really well to music and playing with other people, but that's for another post. We even might get some studio time in, which would be unreal. After that, I have my improv class where I want to keep focusing on creating the story myself and stop making lateral moves. Focus on the "And" part of "Yes, And".
latahhh dudes!
Saturday, February 15, 2014
Eye Opening Night
Nothing like a good 5:30 AM workout to get the day
started. Feeling energized, and ready
for 24 hours packed with meeting new contacts!
Well, not really new contacts, but it will be an eventful day.
I’ll start with a recap of yesterday. I’m currently reading Dale Carnegie’s “How to
Make Friends and Influence Others” (AMAZING book by the way, but I’ll go into
more detail in a later post) and in the morning I read the chapter about
listening. In short, it explained how
listening is the key to any good conversation.
Carnegie explains how people are 100 times more interested in themselves
and their own problems than anything else, and love to talk about it. This makes sense; deep down we are all only
out to increase our own satisfaction; at the root of every person is a
completely selfish being. This doesn’t
mean to say everyone is a selfish schmuck and only cares for himself. For example, a volunteer at a soup kitchen is
helping people, doing a completely selfless act, but the main motivation to go
and volunteer at this soup kitchen is to satisfy his or her need to give back
or feel important. I’m sure I’m not
explaining it very well right now, but just think about it a little and it will
make sense.
Anyway, I ended up going back to my college to watch a
wrestling match; I was on the wrestling team through college, so it’s nice to
go back and see all the coaches and alumni.
I haven’t seen many of these people for years, so I knew we would have a
lot of catching up to do only I went out with the intent of letting them do all
of the talking. The results were incredible.
I walked into the gym and immediately saw my old friend,
Eddie that I lost touch with during my senior year. We were both happy to see each other, but
there was that initial hesitation to completely open up. The conversation started with some simple pleasantries:
“how have you been?” “What’s your job like?” “Any Girls in your life?” But it wasn’t until I started listening that
the conversation really got going. Edd
told me he was planning on applying to graduate school at NYU for film, and his
face immediately lit up once we started on the subject. His whole body language changed; turning his
torso towards me, opening the expression on his face, and talking with his
hands a lot more. I never let the
subject sour and turn to something else.
For the entirety of the match I listened attentively to him explain the intricacies
of film making and his breakdown of how a story actually progresses. There was no faking interest or waiting for
my moment to change the subject. I
literally knew nothing about movies and we talked for close to an hour and a
half about the ins and outs of film making and script writing; I was genuinely interested. You can try as hard as you can to fake
interest in someone else, but they will ALWAYS be able to tell. It’s so transparent. Besides the occasional “What do you mean by
that?” or “Can you give an example?” I didn’t say a word. At one point his father interjected and said “are
you gonna watch or talk the entire match?”
I could tell that he didn’t have many opportunities to fully express
himself and talk about things that he was passionate about. Numerous times he would stop and say “I’m
sorry, I’m just blabbing on,” but I reassured him that I was truly interested
and showed that I appreciated the knowledge he was sharing. By the time we said our goodbyes, I could
tell that he was grateful that I let him talk.
I felt invigorated. I
had done nothing but listen, but had an intensely deep conversation. I was ready to try this out more, but a
little differently. The next friend I
talked to, I let him talk about what he was doing with his life, noticing that
he was very attached to the conversation.
After a couple minutes, I changed the subject to what was new in my life
and saw an immediate reaction. There was
no eye contact, he would fiddle with his jacket, and look uninterested. Not to the point where it was rude, but there
was a stark difference then when the subject was about him. Amazing, truly amazing. People really love to talk about themselves,
but rarely does anyone give them the opportunity. The moment they meet someone who will truly
listen, the conversation turns from a competition from the spot light to a
passionate talk about a specific subject.
Conversing in this way is not a give and take relationship; it is give
and give some more.
After the match ended I was not ready to stop testing out this whole listening thing, so I met 2 more friends at a local bar to catch up. I got the same amazing results. They were all amazingly attached to the conversation because they were the subject. Duh, it's so simple. I even had one of the older alumni entranced in conversation - this particular alumni HATED talking to me while I was in school (Probably because I was consistently talking about myself).
The only thing that I did not like about this night was that I did not reach out and start conversations with any strangers. I made no attempt to meet new people. Granted, the night was a huge success and I connected with old friends in a way I never have before. So I have to work on the following:
1) Still have intense conversations and listen attentively to the close friends I go out with, but also try to rope in new people, and learn their stories.
2) Find common interests between multiple people in the group so everyone can contribute and stay interested.
Friday, February 14, 2014
Day 1
Another snow day. WHEN WILL IT END??? The good news is that I now have time to recap yesterdays events.
I worked from home all day, but it was eventful none the less. It was the first time in my career that I signed an official document sent to a client. Though only a data request (this is very unimportant), it was still a formal document that the client would see. This was extremely exciting. I have updated many of these documents before, but never with my signature at the end. Not meaning to do so, I took special care with this one, noting anything confusing and making sure all grammatical errors were fixed.
Of course something went wrong. I had to send it as an encrypted email, so one person could not open it. It is against company policy to send information like this without encrypting it first, for fear of interception. I reached out to my upper level colleagues for advise on how to respond, but they did not get back to me until much later, after I had already signed off. I now feel a level of regret. I think I should have sent an email to the client saying I cannot send the file without encrypting it, but we are currently working on a solution and will let you know when we figure it out. It would be simple and would reassure the client that we are doing everything we can. I am always hesitant to send anything to the client, and never do so without getting a draft reviewed. Here are my thoughts:
1) Should I be more willing to contact the client when I think it is helpful, without consulting upper management?
2) Should I have emailed her last night, or wait until the next day when we have a more concrete solution?
I also went to an improv show last night. I guess this is a good spot to tell you I take improv comedy classes every Sunday in New York City. I started about 3 weeks ago and it has completely consumed all of my attention. It is a fantastic feeling of making something from absolutely nothing, and developing this story with another person who has no idea what you're about to say next. I'll go into more detail about my fascination with this later, but last nights show was a kind of "open mic night" for improvisers. It was all people currently taking classes like me, but most were in the higher level classes (this coming Sunday will be my 4th week of level 1). I got up and I feel like I did an OK job, but I didn't create anything. I just kind of fed off what the other people were saying. There's this idea of "Yes And" in improv, and I was only Yesing last night. I have to work on elaborating the story and moving it forward instead of laterally.
There was also another girl from my class, Kaitlin, who attended last nights show as well. She was pretty much the only person I talked to all night which I do not like. It would have been so easy to start talking about improv to any of these people since they were all enrolled in the classes as well. I started one conversation that turned into a conversation on sports, but it was nothing great. While I was talking to Kaitlin I felt awkward. I was thinking very hard about what to say next and not letting my mind fully encompass what was being discussed at that moment.
This lesson goes hand in hand with why I'm taking improv in the first place. I want to learn to completely turn my mind and thoughts off while talking to people. I have to become a better listener (when your listening you can't be having other side thoughts). So, in the future I want to:
1) Stop thinking while I'm having a discussion with someone.
2) Stop trying to think of what to say next.
3) Be fully present and listen attentively
a) As long as I am fully present, I will pick up on things that can evoke responses or spur other threads of conversation.
b) This involves a lot of faith, so I have to get comfortable with the unknown of not knowing what to say next.
I worked from home all day, but it was eventful none the less. It was the first time in my career that I signed an official document sent to a client. Though only a data request (this is very unimportant), it was still a formal document that the client would see. This was extremely exciting. I have updated many of these documents before, but never with my signature at the end. Not meaning to do so, I took special care with this one, noting anything confusing and making sure all grammatical errors were fixed.
Of course something went wrong. I had to send it as an encrypted email, so one person could not open it. It is against company policy to send information like this without encrypting it first, for fear of interception. I reached out to my upper level colleagues for advise on how to respond, but they did not get back to me until much later, after I had already signed off. I now feel a level of regret. I think I should have sent an email to the client saying I cannot send the file without encrypting it, but we are currently working on a solution and will let you know when we figure it out. It would be simple and would reassure the client that we are doing everything we can. I am always hesitant to send anything to the client, and never do so without getting a draft reviewed. Here are my thoughts:
1) Should I be more willing to contact the client when I think it is helpful, without consulting upper management?
2) Should I have emailed her last night, or wait until the next day when we have a more concrete solution?
I also went to an improv show last night. I guess this is a good spot to tell you I take improv comedy classes every Sunday in New York City. I started about 3 weeks ago and it has completely consumed all of my attention. It is a fantastic feeling of making something from absolutely nothing, and developing this story with another person who has no idea what you're about to say next. I'll go into more detail about my fascination with this later, but last nights show was a kind of "open mic night" for improvisers. It was all people currently taking classes like me, but most were in the higher level classes (this coming Sunday will be my 4th week of level 1). I got up and I feel like I did an OK job, but I didn't create anything. I just kind of fed off what the other people were saying. There's this idea of "Yes And" in improv, and I was only Yesing last night. I have to work on elaborating the story and moving it forward instead of laterally.
There was also another girl from my class, Kaitlin, who attended last nights show as well. She was pretty much the only person I talked to all night which I do not like. It would have been so easy to start talking about improv to any of these people since they were all enrolled in the classes as well. I started one conversation that turned into a conversation on sports, but it was nothing great. While I was talking to Kaitlin I felt awkward. I was thinking very hard about what to say next and not letting my mind fully encompass what was being discussed at that moment.
This lesson goes hand in hand with why I'm taking improv in the first place. I want to learn to completely turn my mind and thoughts off while talking to people. I have to become a better listener (when your listening you can't be having other side thoughts). So, in the future I want to:
1) Stop thinking while I'm having a discussion with someone.
2) Stop trying to think of what to say next.
3) Be fully present and listen attentively
a) As long as I am fully present, I will pick up on things that can evoke responses or spur other threads of conversation.
b) This involves a lot of faith, so I have to get comfortable with the unknown of not knowing what to say next.
Thursday, February 13, 2014
Introduction - Why?
Well this is the first post, so I guess I'll introduce myself real quick. My name's Chris Lombardi, I'm 23 years old, and I want to master the art of conversation. This has really been on my to do list for YEARS now, but I never had the balls to step up, learn from those who know more, and track my progress. I'm generally known as an outgoing guy, an extrovert if you will, but inside I guess I'm a little afraid of people and what they will think. I don't know if this is something I have to overcome, or something I have to accept and look past, but that's why I'm here.
Like any good goal, I first thought of mastering the art of conversation during this past new year's. I work as an actuary, so I was fed up with being stuck behind a fucking computer screen all day while everyone else got to interact with the world. I starting getting angry and anxious that this was what my life was going to be, and the quality of my work started slipping as a result. In another part of my life, I wasn't unhappy with my social situation, but I wanted more. I wanted adventure, to meet new people, avoid staying with what's comfortable and experience all the world has to offer. The whole game of social interactions is a fascinating, but it can be difficult to put yourself out there and test what really works.
That was then, this is now. Currently, I'm at a point where I am taking action. I'm reading books and putting my new knowledge to work, and guess what... it works!! This shit aint that hard after all!
So here's what I want to do. Everyday, I am going to come back and track all of my social interactions - good or bad. I'm going to see what I did correctly, what can be improved upon, and what new ideas did I come up with in the process. Though there are two parts to this goal - social interactions and career - they both have the same main objective: get another human being to take an interest in you and do what you want. It's as simple and painstakingly complex as that.
So, I'm not sure if you're reading this, hopefully this blog can spark something in you to go out and try it yourself. Maybe it will motivate you to inspire someone close to you about these ideas. In any case, I hope we can take this journey together and simply learn how to get along with other people.
It's late (I have a strict bed time of 11:00 PM on weekdays), so I'll start my progress tomorrow. latahh!
Like any good goal, I first thought of mastering the art of conversation during this past new year's. I work as an actuary, so I was fed up with being stuck behind a fucking computer screen all day while everyone else got to interact with the world. I starting getting angry and anxious that this was what my life was going to be, and the quality of my work started slipping as a result. In another part of my life, I wasn't unhappy with my social situation, but I wanted more. I wanted adventure, to meet new people, avoid staying with what's comfortable and experience all the world has to offer. The whole game of social interactions is a fascinating, but it can be difficult to put yourself out there and test what really works.
That was then, this is now. Currently, I'm at a point where I am taking action. I'm reading books and putting my new knowledge to work, and guess what... it works!! This shit aint that hard after all!
So here's what I want to do. Everyday, I am going to come back and track all of my social interactions - good or bad. I'm going to see what I did correctly, what can be improved upon, and what new ideas did I come up with in the process. Though there are two parts to this goal - social interactions and career - they both have the same main objective: get another human being to take an interest in you and do what you want. It's as simple and painstakingly complex as that.
So, I'm not sure if you're reading this, hopefully this blog can spark something in you to go out and try it yourself. Maybe it will motivate you to inspire someone close to you about these ideas. In any case, I hope we can take this journey together and simply learn how to get along with other people.
It's late (I have a strict bed time of 11:00 PM on weekdays), so I'll start my progress tomorrow. latahh!
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