Don't Criticize, Condemn or Complain
- Few people blame themselves
- They rationalize explanations that exclude themselves from fault
- It is foolish to scold - people rarely criticize themselves for anything no matter what!
- Why would they want to be criticized from someone else?
- Criticism puts a person on the defense, forcing them to search for an explanation to justify their actions
- People will learn much more rapidly through reward for good behavior than punishment for bad behavior
- By criticizing, we don't incur lasting changes and usually create resentment
- Criticism will rarely persuade people to admit guilt
- Even saying "I don't know what I could have done differently" is still not taking responsibility
- Just as bad as justifying
- "With malice towards none, and chivalry towards all"
- No matter how right we are, we are not dealing with creatures of logic, humans are creatures of emotion, motivated by pride and vanity
- It takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving
- A great man shows his greatness by the way he treats little men
- Instead of condemning, try to understand why people do the things they do
- See a new perspective
- The only way to get someone to do something is to make them want to do it
- Sigmund Freud's 2 motives for everything
- Sex
- Desire to be great
- Natural desire to feel important
- How one gets ones feeling of importance is the greatest determiner of character.
- Some people even do bad things to get this feeling of importance
- Commit crimes
- Having others take care of them
- Strive for attention
- Many seemingly normal people go insane in search of importance and find it in their insanity and hallucinations
- If people can go insane over the need for importance,m imagine what we can achieve by giving people honest appreciation
- Give them that feeling of importance
- "Once i did bad, I heard ever, twice I did good, I heard never"
- Never do people do better work under a spirit of criticism than of approval
- Don't criticize for bad work, incentivize good work and be lavish in appreciation
- People crave importance like they crave food
- We need to nourish people (SINCERELY) as much as possible
- Stevie Wonder was in elementary school when he was asked to help track down a mouse in the classroom. with his keen sense of hearing (being blind enhanced his sense of hearing) he found the mouse. This was the first time someone sincerely appreciated Stevie and was a turning point in his life.
- Flattery will rarely work
- It is always obvious that it is fake and insincere
- Bait the hook to suit the fish
- I am of course in interested in what I want, but no one else is
- Talk about what other people want and show them how to get it
- Every act that any one performs was performed because they wanted something
- No true selfless act
- Before rushing into any situation, stop and think "How can I make this person want to do this?"
- Be able to see things from others point of view
- Customers like to feel like they are buying, not being sold
- Help others before helping yourself
- Unselfishly try to serve others
Become genuinely interested in other people
- A dog makes a living simply by giving love
- you can make more friends by being genuinely interested in them than trying to get them interested in you
- "It is the individual who is not interested in his fellow men who has the greatest difficulties in life and provides the greatest injury to others. It is from among such individuals that all human failures spring."
- Put time and energy into doing things for other people
- Greet people with animation and enthusiasm
- Show how pleased you are to hear from the other person
- Something so simple yet so genuine as a baby's smile can alleviate all tension from an entire room
- People who smile are far more effective at teaching and managing
- encouragement is much more effective than punishment
- A smile can even come through on a phone call
- Smile on the phone!
- You must have a good time meeting people if you expect them to have a good time meeting you
- Smile at EVERYONE!!
- If you don't feel like smiling, do it anyway!
- Whistle
- Hum a tune
- Happy thoughts
- Happiness depends on inner conditions, not outward conditions
- What you feel about your environment, now what is your environment
- All about mental attitude
- "There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so"
- Do not fear being misunderstood and do not waste a minute thinking about your enemies
- Picture in your mind the person you wish to be
- Visualize
- Frankness, courage, and good cheer
- "A man without a smiling face must not open a shop"
- A smile helps you realize that all is not hopeless
- Always remember people's names
- learn peoples full names and associate facts about that person with the name
- People are more interested in their own name than all other names combined
- When Andrew Carnegie was small, he had a bunch of Rabbits with nothing to feed them. n He told the kids in the neighborhood that if they brought food, he would name the bunnirs after them. They never ran short of food
- GENIUS
- Not only remember the name, but use it right away
- At least 3 times in the first couple minutes of a conversation
- The only reason to not remember a name is lack of effort
- Remembering names makes people feel important
- Repeat the person's name several times during a conversation
- ALWAYS make an effort to use someones name. From waitress to girl at the bar to senior executive.
- Must listen intently
- Become genuinely interested
- Cannot fake this
- Take effort
- This kind of listening is one of the highest form of compliments you can give someone
- Exclusive attention to the person speaking
- Master the art of listening
- Listening is not mere silence, but a form of activity
- Hear with ears and eyes
- Let people speak, they love to pour out and vent
- People get a feeling of importance when they are allowed to talk about themselves
- One of humans natural needs!
- You may be tempted to interrupt, DON'T!!!
- People are so much concerned with what they are going to say next they do not keep their ears open
- "Many people call a doctor, when all they want is an audience"
- Concentrated attention with a look of mild geniality
- Appreciate what people say
- "To be interesting, simply be interested"
- Encourage people to talk about themselves and their accomplishments
- They get to build themselves up
- Things they are proud of
- People are a hundred times more interested in their own problems than yours
- Theodore Roosevelt would stay up late the night before a visitor was expected and studied up on areas of interest to the visitor
- "The royal road to a persons heart is to talk about the things he or she treasures most"
- Make yourself agreeable
- Son't begin by asking for what you want, start off talking about area that interest the other person
- Study other people's interests and goals
- Though this may seem like a one way street, only talking about other peoples interests, the reward is greatest of all, enlarging your life and your own interests
- Remember from the other chapter, you have to be genuinely interested in the study of what other people are interested in.
- Impart happiness on others without trying to get anything in return
- You have to want to do something for someone without them being able to do anything in return
- Always make the other person feel important
- People love to be appreciated - GIVE IT TO THEM!
- "Do unto others as you would have others do unto you"
- We crave for this praise, so we must also give it out freely
- All then time EVERYWHERE
- Little phrases like "I'm so sorry to trouble you" "Would you be so kind as to.."
- Please and Thank You
- So simple and easy
- Do it SINCERELY
- "Every man I meet is my superior some way, in that I learn of him"
- This circle back to an earlier chapter
- Express honest and SINCERE admiration
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