You just got Dale Carnegie'd SON!

The day started out really great.  I had my whole work schedule planned out, there was no wandering aimlessly looking for things to do - it was a day to get shit done and I was pumped.

It was about 2:00PM when I received the email.  One of my project managers asked me if I had filled out an internal survey regarding some details about our client.  Nothing too urgent or important, she just wanted to check in on the status.  I told her that I filled it out and sent it along, thinking that I would be praised for getting this done without anyone having to remind me.  That was wrong.

Though this was an internal deliverable - not going out to the client - but it still had it's importance.  This project manager was none to pleased to find out that I sent something out regarding her client without having anyone check it.  

Stage one stress levels - commence

I responded and sent her a link so she could check it over.  As I sat with my fingers crossed, all I could think was "Please don't be filled out wrong, please don't be filled out wrong".  The first words of her email back to me were "This is filled out wrong".

Stage two stress levels - activated

We went back and forth a couple emails explaining what was wrong and how this should have been handled.  My responses were very short, not in a defensive manner, I just knew that I was in the wrong and did not want to dig my hole any deeper; I decided it best to try and lay low.  Turns out this was a bad idea as the next move was to bring a director into the conversation to see how to handle this.

Complete freak out - you bet!

I then received two emails, one from each, explaining the importance of this survey and how proper peer review protocols are to be handled.  My heart racing, and brow sweating, I had to make a move.  I couldn't just lay down and die.  These people smelled blood, and they were gonna get it!

I sat back and gave myself a quick ZEBRA (if you don't know what that is, check out my video post from last week: ZEBRAS!!!).  I had to stop my mind from thinking and bring my adrenaline levels way down.  Once calm, I remembered that this is the exact reason I am trying to master the art of conversation - to know how to deal with every human to human interaction.  In my fit of stress, I had totally forgotten everything I learned and reverted back to everything that was wrong.  Coming to my senses, I sat down, composed my thoughts, walked over, and said the following

"I totally understand and agree.  These surveys are important and we want to make sure the correct people are checking them so that we can produce the most accurate results.  It’s no excuse for not checking in with either of you, but in my defense I was instructed to update the file as I did. 

I’m sorry for this inconvenience, I realize that this could have easily been avoided by simply emailing one of you.  In the future, I will make sure that everything I send out, whether it’s internally or to the client - especially to the client - gets checked by a second pair of eyes.

What steps can I now take to mitigate this mistake?"

I looked back to everything that Carnegie had taught me, and put it into this response.  I started off by agreeing with them, getting them saying "Yes" right off the bat.  I then expressed that I understood their point of view.  I did throw in a little defense, but I made it completely non-threatening and explained that it was "no excuse".  I made it entirely about the other person.  I didn't say how filling out the survey affected me, why I filled it out wrong, what I thought about the survey.  Everything I said was catered to them. 

But the main point was that I was completely and utterly sincere.  I cannot stress this enough, you cannot fake this.  I saw this situation from their perspective and realized how frustrating it must be to have someone go over your head and send in wrong information with your name on it.  I was genuinely sorry, and it showed.

Her response:

"That was a fantastic response. Very appreciated."

It was over, just like that.  No more novels, explaining how I was wrong, or what I should have done.  I showed that I understood the entirety of the situation from their perspective and there was nothing else to be said.